i wasn't awake when my dad opened his gifts from me, but my mom said he liked them. most gifts i give him end up tossed into the corner of his bedroom, still in the shrink wrap. i'd gotten into the habit of not getting him anything at all for the past couple of years, and i'm sure when he's gone, that's something i will sorely regret. he commented (almost casually) that this would probably be his final father's day on earth and that he appreciated everyone's gifts. it was like a knife in the heart.
i tried to buy my dad practical gifts this year. little things that wouldn't hold a lot sentimental value and can be used before he's gone. i got him a sampler pack of gourmet coffee from around the world, some fancy pens, a morphing coffee mug, and several other small gifts. my mom made lasagna and rhubarb pie for him. overall, it was a nice day.
my dad is going to the hospital tomorrow afternoon to have his chest scanned for more cancer. he's had a persistent cough for 3 years now, and they suspect it may be lung cancer. if it is, or if he has cancer anywhere else in his body, he wont qualify for a liver transplant. and right now, that's the only way to save my dad's life. i've already agreed to give up part of my liver if dad is healthy enough for a transplant. it's an an extremely risky operation that takes over 12 hours to perform, and could kill both of us, but i'd rather die trying to save my dad than watch my dad waste away over a period of a few months.
i can't even describe how terrified i am about these tests. i'm trying to remain hopeful and stay strong for my family, but it feels like my heart is being torn apart. my mom just keeps saying when dad is gone, she'll give up on life. i don't know where we'll go or how we're going to survive. we'll lose this house and everything in it. we have no other family to turn to. i'm afraid we'll end up on the street.
i keep having nightmares about this whole situation, and a couple nights ago i had what seemed like some sort of premonition dream about my dad. i'm worried and creeped out. i wish there was some way to postpone these tests, but i know there's no way i can ever be prepared for them. i'm expecting bad news, but i'm still hoping for a miracle. please keep us in your thoughts, or, if you're religious, prayers.
i'm sorry for such a depressing blog post, but i needed to vent about this somewhere, and it didn't seem appropriate to go into such detail on deviantART! i haven't been drawing much, lately, and for now i'm posting most of my art over on imgur, but i'll make an effort to start posting more here. mostly i'm trying to come up with adoptables to sell on furaffinity and thank-you art to people who have helped jim and i out! after that, i'd like to start writing about my original characters more. for now, have these doodles:
